If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family
Stop reblogging my failure
Kid accidentally steals cup from restaurant
i am pretty sure some people dont know jaywalking is against the law
bitch i will sample as many grapes in a grocery store as i want
if i were on a date and the guy were to say he didn’t like Disney i would look him dead in the eye and be like “in a relationship i need faith, trust” and then i’d open my purse and throw glitter and then whisper “pixie dust” then walk out.
WHY IS THIS GETTING NOTES
BECAUSE ALL OF US WOULD DO IT.
before blaming others, think: whats the 1 constant in all your failed relationships? its that cursed egyptian amulet why do u even have that
note to self: “love yourself” does not mean spend $40 on chinese food when you’re broke
who am i kidding yes it does. never listen to me
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough
i feel slightly offended